In all the holiday chaos the dog somehow managed to scarf down a hershey’s kiss. I know this because I had to cut a large blob of poop out of her butt fur; attached was a small flag which read “Almonds.”

I will be glad when everything is back to normal, and I stop finding bows and candy wrappers ground into my carpet. While I was asleep Alana’s dad used my new (and hidden) pastry board to carve up a leg of lamb, opting to ignore the two perfectly good cutting boards in plain view. The leg was left on my counter, which proved most appealing to the Azrael. I’ve spent two days trying to catch a greased cat, his scavenging efforts landed him in the discarded pan of olive oil. In taking out the 5 bags of trash, a culmination of two days of empty bottles, cartons, toy packages, and wrapping paper, I stepped on a pile of soggy cat litter, in hundred dollar shoes. Somehow my upstairs neighbors (I live in the bottom half of a duplex) didn’t quite make it to the trash can over the railing of my back porch. I slipped, smearing the cat litter all over me. The dog kept getting the bows left all over our bedroom floor stuck in her beard. I went to sweep up the battlefield that days earlier passed for carpet, and the vacuum broke.

While elbow deep in the vacuum dislodging hair tumbleweeds, I realized I too had broken, when it erupted a shower of cat litter into my face. I really don’t think it’s so much to ask that if your kid pees in our guest bed, and you’re doing all your laundry in our washer and dryer anyway, that you wash the sheets while you’re at it. Twelve days of Christmas my ass.

Tuesday, December 27th, 2005 at 10:45 am | Leave A Comment | Comments Feed
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