When I first moved into this downstairs duplex we thought it was perfect. Our upstairs neighbors were nice, the house next door to us was empty. Most of the other houses in the neighborhood were occupied by nice families and were well kept. In the past year this has all gone to hell.

I realized it was the beginning of the end when one rainy day I saw the house next door had a uhaul backed up on the lawn to the front door, mud tire tracks be damned. Dudes in wifebeaters were unloading plastic lawn furniture from the truck into the house. I’d later learn since the bank foreclosed upon the previous owners, these people were able to scoop up the property for 1/3 of the cost of the surrounding property. Unfortunately we just resigned a lease since it wasn’t at the time apparent what our future plans exactly were. Now I have all this to deal with:

1. Upstairs neighbors can’t park for shit in driveway, I have fucked up my car (this time my brand new bumper) for the umpteenth time trying to back my car out around theirs.
2. Trashy neighbors’ kids throw their toys over the fence, scratching up my new hood.
3. Trashy neighbors’ yard trash (mostly beer cans and McDonalds bags) waft into our yard.
4. Upstairs neighbor constantly plays guitar, has been learning the same three notes of mary has a little lamb for almost 3 years now.
5. Upstairs neighbors are always cooking Indian food. This means my house always smells like pakora or beefaroni.
6. Upstairs neighbors cannot remember to lock the back door, even though we’ve had an unidentified intruder (though possible mistress of upstairs husband) in the house, not to mention lots of expensive screen printing equipment in the basement.
7. Upstairs neighbors never clean up their dog’s poop from the yard.
8. Upstairs neighbor always unconsciously riles up our dog by doing stupid things like hanging out on our front porch talking on his cell phone, or bringing his dog out at the exact same time ours are trying to go.
9. Trashy next door neighbors have 7 kids and two adult couples, plus possible trashy grandpa all in one house. Kids constantly scream. Parents constantly scream at kids and each other.
10. When i try to take my dogs out trashy neighbor kids scream at them, or one of their parents is running a chainsaw.
11. Get accosted by trashy neighbors’ drunken house guests who hang out on their porch drinking beer and blaring rap.
12. College party kids moved in across the street and have parties every night. This means no street parking for the people who actually live here.
13. People across the street let their dog poop in our yard and don’t clean it up.
14. People across the street get our mail and don’t return it.

Everyone has annoying neighbors, but I have started to feel like I have zero personal space and privacy. My house always smells like my neighbors’ food, and I’m always having to listen to one of my neighbors. I can’t so much as take my dogs out without being bothered by one of my neighbors, and by bothered I don’t mean a friendly “howdy neighbor.” That would be fine. We can’t sleep in anymore, because if there aren’t screaming kids, the rednecks are running a chainsaw for kicks, blaring rap, or the other neighbor is working on his garage blasting classic rock into our bedroom window. Not to mention, all the maneuvering around the neighbor’s car has put a huge dent in the actual frame of my car, so it can’t be fixed. (This isn’t even including the other numerous dents and scratches all to newly repaired parts of my car.) Now that so many people have moved onto this street it’s never quiet. Even if I try to walk my dogs at midnight, I have to worry about loud party college kids across the street, or my trashy next door neighbors’ friends.

I used to think I wanted to buy a house in Lakewood. But partly as a result of their school systems going downhill, the housing market has gone to hell. Nice homes are going for 1/2 of their value. This means Lakewood natives are moving further west to the sprawling suburbs, while Cleveland’s former urban residents move out of the city and into Lakewood. Suddenly the once charming storefronts that line our main streets include check cashers and temp agencies. The charming corner pub was bulldozed for a glaring 24 hour Walgreens. Now many of the storefronts sit empty and decaying.

I am beginning to wonder, is it possible to move to a charming small town full of culture and arts without having it either become completely gentrified, pushing all the culture out and bringing with it overpriced rentals and Starbucks or just plain run to crap.

Monday, July 9th, 2007 at 1:44 pm | Leave A Comment | Comments Feed
Filed under: Culture, General