5 Gifts Sure to Make an Awesome Christmas
You don’t have to spend a lot of money to spread some Christmas cheer, here’s my humble, curmudgeonly gift suggestions.
- Give the gift of learning how to drive. Start with basic courtesy; use your turn signal, even in a parking lot. Wave if someone’s nice enough to let you over. Don’t cut people off or drift into their lane. Don’t slow down to 20mph just because there’s a 1/4″ of snow or slush on the ground. Remember how to properly use 4 way and 2 way stops. (The person going straight has the right of way at a 2 way stop, not whoever got there first.) Remember that when traffic lights are out, you treat the intersection as a 4 way stop.
Do not try to get through the yellow lights. Waiting an extra minute in traffic won’t kill you, but flying through the intersection like a maniac might. Also, if it’s wet and slushy out don’t fly past pedestrians and soak them.
- Don’t be an ass in the grocery store. It’s extra crowded this time of year, because we all have family and out of town guests to entertain. Everyone wants to get in and out as quickly as possible. This means do not block the entire aisle with your cart while you stare, perplexed by spices. This also means push your cart to the side in the produce aisle as you bag your parsnips, don’t block all the vegetables with your cart. (Same goes for freezer and dairy aisles.) Already know what you want when it’s your turn at the deli counter. Give them your whole order up front, don’t be that guy that keeps saying “and then…”
The self checkout is an express lane, this means if you have more than 12 items don’t use it. If you are buying alcohol and someone has to come check your ID, don’t use it. If you have all produce and need to look up the codes, don’t use it. Don’t pay with a check, or use a bunch of coupons. If it’s a really good one (like buy one get one free) go ahead, but don’t make 20 people wait because you want 50 cents off that frozen burrito. And for god’s sake, don’t be so freaking lazy and bag your own stuff if there isn’t a bagger there.
- In fact in any shopping situation during the holiday you should abide by these basic rules: Pay with a card, but always have cash just in case. Credit card machines go down a lot when the services are busy. Already know what you want and where it is when you get to the store. If it’s something that has to come from the back, call ahead so the salesperson can get it ready at their leisure, not when 15 people are in line. Take up as little room as possible, this means leave your double-wide stroller and rascall scooters at home, and don’t block aisles. Pick up after yourself, don’t take items off shelves and leave them in random places, don’t let your kid throw cheerios all over the floor, and definitely don’t leave drink cups and napkins anywhere but the trash can.
- Be a civilized adult when dining out. This means don’t talk so loudly that other tables can hear your conversation. And if you are going to talk loudly, don’t talk about the disgusting bug guts you had to scrape off your windshield, it’s not very appetizing. Treat your server like you would treat your mother. Definitely do not get drunk and hit on them.
If you need separate checks, let your server know before they take your order. Tip at least 25% or don’t go out to eat. Don’t let your kids scream, throw tantrums, and run all over the restaurant. Don’t leave your table looking like a warzone. Lastly, don’t be a jerk if they won’t take your 3 year old expired Entertainment Book coupon.
- Shut the hell up at the movies. No seriously, quit talking through them. No one needs your narration or interpretation, they’re doing a fine job of figuring it out themselves. Also, the characters in the movie can’t hear you so that “Giiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl he behind you! BEHIND YOU! You crazy!” is useless. Turn your cell phone off, if you have to take a call from Grandma go outside and do it, because I really don’t want to hear all about how that sweater she knitted you fits.
Don’t eat like an animal, I don’t want to hear you chomping, smacking and burping, candy wrappers rustling through the movie. Don’t put your feet up on the seat in front of you if someone else is sitting in it. If there are decent seats available elsewhere, don’t sit right next to a stranger, or sit directly in front of them so they can no longer put their feet up. Definitely do not sit next to them and fart through the entire movie.
The movie theatre is not your bedroom, keep your hands to yourself or get a room someplace. Come to the theatre properly clothed, I definitely don’t want your sweaty, smelly sandaled feet almost touching me when you sit right next to me and cross your legs. Dudes, this means wear sleeves. I don’t want to smell your armpits either. Don’t sit in the middle of a row if you’re going to have to get up to go to the bathroom and the snack bar 5,000 times. And don’t clap when the movie’s over, again they can’t hear you. When the credits roll, don’t just stand there hanging out in the row blocking everyone just in case there’s a blooper reel, some people want to go home. And throw your trash away when you’re done, the theatre staff are not your maids.
It’s Christmas time. We’re all stressed and just want to get through the holiday and enjoy our families. Don’t make it more stressful than it has to be, and taking that extra 5 seconds to be courteous to the people around you just might make their day. Be a decent human being, that’s the best gift of all.
> The person going straight has the right of way at a 2 way stop, not whoever got there first.
Incorrect. The person who arrives first has the right away unless cross traffic would prevent that person from turning left. In that case only, the other driver is clear to make a right hand turn. Otherwise, the person turning left would have to sit through an entire line of cars. While laws do vary state to state, this is the most common application.
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>If you are buying alcohol and someone has to come check your ID, don’t use it.
I’ll checkout wherever I like. Last time I looked, Kroger (or wherever you shop) makes the rules, not you. I frequently buy alcohol at the self checkout and will continue to do so :-).
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> Pay with a card, but always have cash just in case.
Thanks, but similar to above, I’ll use the form of payment I prefer. Cash, check, or charge are accepted by the store, and until THEY tell me otherwise, I’ll use what works best for me.
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>Take up as little room as possible, this means leave your double-wide stroller and rascall scooters at home.
Not a chance. I have children, they enjoy getting out of the house too. I’m spending money at the mall and they are coming with me. Should we ban wheelchairs too? Just because you are in a hurry doesn’t mean we all our. Your urge to rush bears no greater weight than my urge to relax.
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>Tip at least 25% or don’t go out to eat
Again, not a chance. I do tip 25-30% more often than not, but when I receive poor service it goes right down to 15%. If the service is non-existent it goes down to 0%. Those are the rules of the game. I’m not talking about a slow kitchen on a busy night either. I’m talking about servers who would rather hang out and chat on their cellphones then refill drinks.
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>Shut the hell up at the movies.
Totally agree on all counts.
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>If you can’t play nice I’ll throw you out of the sandbox.
Hmm, guess I’m probably out of here :-p.
Dear Spinner,
I don’t delete people’s comments just because they don’t agree
However, do you live in Ohio, because I’m about 95% positive that is what our right of way law is regarding two way stops. I’ll check with my policemen father and stepfather on this later.
Do you like making a bunch of people stand around waiting while someone has to come check your ID? You don’t mind the glares of the 20 people behind you boring a hole into the back of your head? I don’t have Kroger, but the grocery store where I do shop states how many items are appropriate for self checkout.
Ditto with the check. Clearly you are a person who thinks the world revolves around you and your shopping “needs.” During the holidays, for everyone’s sake it’s my opinion you should do everything in your power to make shopping as quick and painless for those around you as possible. Plus the check systems go down even more than the credit card systems. No one wants to stand behind you while you fill out your check, and the cashier writes all the information from your ID down. There’s a reason so many places have stopped taking these outdated things.
Of course there should be an exception for people who need scooters, wheelchairs etc. They have as much right to shop anyone. And I think people should bring their children everywhere, (provided they’re a good parent) because this is how children learn to behave and act in public. But no one needs a double-wide stroller in the mall. Have your children walk, hold your hand, or have a less intrusive method of navigation. The aisles in the mall stores are not meant to accommodate you and your traveling bigness, and block other customers from getting around.
Shopping during the holidays doesn’t resemble anything close to relaxation, and your meandering is probably a huge inconvenience to everyone else shopping in the same stores/standing in the same lines as you. Suck it up and don’t be the shopping jerk.
Tipping less than 25% is totally appropriate when your service is poor.
>Do you live in Ohio, because I’m about 95% positive that is what our right of way law is regarding two way stops.
No, I live one floor up, but only about an hour.
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>I don’t have Kroger, but the grocery store where I do shop states how many items are appropriate for self checkout.
Limiting the number of items we totally agree on. Buying alcohol is where we disagree. I often go in for JUST a case of beer and use self checkout.
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>Clearly you are a person who thinks the world revolves around you and your shopping “needs.”
Not at all actually. However, if a merchant accepts a check and that works best for my particular purchase, I’m going to use it. For instance, if I’m purchasing an expensive computer system and I don’t want to use a credit card that charges me 18%. Sure, I have a debit card, but there are transaction limits per day. In this instance, am I going to whip out $3000 in cash? Not a chance. This was an issue just recently actually. I purchased a couple computer systems at Best Buy to give away at a Christmas party. Waaaay over the debit card limit and no CHANCE it’s going on an interest loaded credit card. Company check was the way to go. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going out writing a check for a loaf of bread or anything. But I like to keep my options open. As a side note, who banned checks? I’m curious, because in the rare instance that I do use them, I’ve never had an issue.
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> But no one needs a double-wide stroller in the mall. Have your children walk, hold your hand, or have a less intrusive method of navigation.
I have three children under the age of three, what would you recommend?
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>Shopping during the holidays doesn’t resemble anything close to relaxation.
That’s exactly what’s wrong with Christmas these days. I enjoy shopping and choosing the right gift. I take my time and I know the mall will be busy before I leave the house. To me, it’s very relaxing AND rewarding getting just the right gift for just the right person. How is my ‘meandering’ carry any less weight than your being ‘in a rush’? You’re being in a rush would be just as inconvenient as your being in a hurry :-). I’m not that guy who stands in the middle of the aisle and picks my nose or anything. But I’m certainly not speed walking and if I want to stop and look at an item for a few minutes, there is nothing wrong with that :-).
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You have a nice website here. Contrary to my opposing opinion, I enjoyed your post.
My suggestion to you, is to shop for Christmas presents outside of the Christmas season if you like to take your time
And as for strollers, I only take issue with the double wides (you know, the side by side.) Lord knows if you have multiple small children, trying to keep an eye on them without one in a store would be near impossible.
> My suggestion to you, is to shop for Christmas presents outside of the Christmas season if you like to take your time
If you’re in a hurry and you know the mall will be crowded with holiday shoppers like me, wouldn’t it make more sense for YOU to shop before the Christmas season gets underway? Not only could you avoid the crowds, but more inventory would be in stock, and the credit card processing would be less congested.
Very good tips.. Covered most of it. I will try to link to this article from my blog.. Keep it up.