The Mystery of the Leonard Ave. Parking Ticket
A few weeks ago, Alana received a parking ticket on our street, for blocking someone’s driveway. There were a few unusual things about this, the first being that no driveways were blocked. The second, is that police never go down our street, let alone ticket. If they did the three junked cars from my new redneck neighbors that now rot in front of my house for weeks on end would all be ticketed. (Lakewood has a 48 hour parking rule.)
I know you have to be a certain number of feet away from the nearest driveway, I believe it’s 7, but I’m not really positive. If one were to abide by this law, no one would be able to park on a Lakewood residential street, as the volume of houses and driveways is such that only one car is able to fit in front of each house, with little room left on either side. So why would Alana’s car, which was most definitely not blocking any driveways, be singled out? She drives a Kia Rio, perhaps the smallest car regularly parking on our street.
Upon receiving the ticket that freezing morning, Alana’s response was to peel what she could from her windshield (as it was mostly frozen on) and cast it into the street. Not necessarily what I would’ve done, but hey Alana’s a passionate lady, and if she never wants to be able to renew her tags or license again that’s her problem.
Two days later an envelope with no postmark appeared in our mailbox. It had a Lakewood police/municipal logo in the upper left corner. The plot thickens. First, it is a federal crime to put anything in anyone’s mailbox that is not mail. This means, if you are not my mailman, you are not allowed in my mailbox. Second, it’s implausible the same policeman strolled back down our road, found Alana’s ticket lying on the ground, and delivered it to her door. That very week the winds were so bad it carried most of the neighborhood’s trash cans and recycling all over into lawns and the middle of the street. The likelihood that a scrap of paper was still in the road is zero.
I am left to believe the occupant of the house with the allegedly blocked driveway has some bizarre personal vendetta. As it’s a duplex, we’re not sure who the angry party is. If it’s the upstairs people I’d like to have a few words with them, as they let their huge beast dog bark all day every day and take giant craps in everyone’s yard without cleaning up after it. I don’t believe anyone residing in this house is a policeman, because if they were our street would always get plowed right away, and we’d occasionally see cruisers parked in their driveway. (With parents as police I know how these things go, your work buddies stop by on their lunch in the cruiser, etc.)
I’m left to believe the creep who lives in that house called the cops specifically requesting Alana’s car be ticketed, then watched as she tossed it, ran out behind her, scooped it up, and waited two days before placing it in an envelope, sneaking up onto our porch, and illegally sticking it in our mailbox. This is extra creepy, because our mailbox is attached to our house so anyone putting stuff in it can peek into our house. But where did they get the envelope, do they work for the city? I’m inclined to return the favor and call the police to report harassment or the giant dog craps, but unlike this mature individual I won’t waste the police’s time on petty bullshit. Instead, it is more likely that I will knock on their door and demand to know what the hell their problem is.
