Likely written by a drunken 15 year old.

If I had a half star rating this would’ve received it. I was willing to put aside historical inaccuracies for dazzling visuals, but there were none. I’m not sure which was worse, the writing or the effects. Why did the vikings speak Icelandic but the Native Americans spoke English? The whole thing was like watching […]

This movie was a caricaturish, hipsterized vision of the South. Alana called it “if Williamsburg had a white-trash theme party.” There were approximately three minutes of film where Christina Ricci wasn’t writhing on all fours. Samuel L. Jackson isn’t much of an actor when he isn’t being type-cast as the angry swearing dude. The only […]

Rob Zombie’s Halloween was the worst movie I’ve seen all year. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into after his Texas Chainsaw Massacre rip / homage House of 1,000 Corpses. I had expected a remake, and what I got was a totally different movie than the original Halloween. A movie that took […]